There is an epidemic and I need to do something about it. Read on to see if you're a bad guest.
1. Eat too much
- When you get invited to someone's house, eat all their food. When they cook, ask for seconds. Eat the bread for no reason. Pour out all the cereal and milk. Sit on your butt and eat. The food is there so why not? Your host has enough money to buy more. They don't have responsibilities anyway!
2. Squeeze the toothpaste from the middle.
- Your host doesn't deserve to have perfectly squeezed toothpaste tubes. Although the lack of symmetry gets on their nerves, don't worry about it. It's not your problem. Your host just has to deal with it.
3. Give your opinion on what to buy
- If ever you see 1-ply tissue in your host's house, tell them that they need to invest in 2-ply. When they go grocery shopping, ask if you can tag along. While you're in the store, tell the host to pick up things that you like. For example, if your host picks up a bottle of Clorox bleach, say, "I don't like the smell of bleach. You should get Mrs. Meyers cleaners. It's better for you and it's environmentally friendly." Then just throw it in the cart. Although your suggestion might be more expensive, who cares!
4. Do laundry excessively
- As a guest, you should never have dirty clothes sitting around. You deserve to be clean at all times, right? When your host is at work during the day, put your last set of clothes in the washing machine. Hurry up before they get home. You don't want them to know that you used gallons of water plus electricity on 2 pieces of fabric.
5. Leave strands of your hair in the bathroom
- Let's face it, your hair has to be well kept when you're in someone's house. Brush your hair every day. Preferably with your host's brush. Leave the strands of hair all over the bathroom floor and in the sink. Your host will appreciate you looking cute and won't even mind the hair all over the bathroom.
6. Tell your host how to re-decorate
- Sometimes when you go to someone's house, you don't like the way their furniture is positioned. Make your voice heard. Tell your host that the couch should be moved to the other wall. Let them know they need a plant pot in the living room. Go ahead and move that picture frame for them. Your taste in home decor is much more superior. Your host will appreciate your taste.
7. Invite yourself in their bedroom
- Bedrooms are not private sanctuaries. When you are at someone's house, please walk up in their master suite and sit on their bed. Watch TV while you're at it. Hosts love it when people sit on their beds in their dusty behind, sweaty clothes and get comfortable.
8. Leave appliances on all day
- Do you think your host has bills to pay? Probably, but who cares? Leave the TV on even if you're not watching it. Leave all the lights on in the house for proper illumination because you can take better selfies with good lighting. If there is air conditioning, turn it on high and leave it on all day, even if you leave the house.
9. Ask for a ride
- You need a ride to go to the mall or something. When your host comes home from work feeling all tired and worn out, demand that they give you a ride. You need to have fun while you're visiting. You should not offer to pay for gas either - no matter how far they drive you. Your host has a job, they can buy their own gas. Don't opt for ride share companies - they are too expensive for you.
10. Ask your host to bring you back something from outside
- If your host goes out to run errands and leaves you at home, ask them to bring you back something. Maybe a snack or a drink. They will probably pass a gas station or a corner store on the way back. They should stop and get you something. You are important.
If you have done any of these 10 things, you are a terrible guest and you should never be invited into anyone's home. We encourage you to change your ways and become a better person. Thank you.
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